Thursday, October 02, 2003

I cannot sleep. ENglish 303 is kicking my ass and I dont have much else to say about it. I am scared more than usual about this mid term and i think the 3 shots of espresso (against my diet) are kickin in on full force. As for my hecktic life... well its going well. I got to paint my self portrait recently and I have been chillin with Stu an aweful lot. Hes probably the grounding force in my life right now. I really do miss my mom and dad though. I am not so much home sick as i am missing my two best friends. Sometimes i wonder what it would be like to just move back home. Recently i have also been craving pizza. Yeah, i know its bad for me. I havent yet, but watching these kids in my place eat all day makes me wish i was them. I have less than 22 days before i am 21. I cannot wait to splurdge. I know i sound like i am bitching, but what i am really doing is having a talk with myself. How important it is to be the way i am right now. I am really working on my heath. Its good to be selfish sometimes. I am just happy Stu looks out for me and supports me. As for my roomates, they are kind and loving. Jennifer has been smiling at me more so I am making more of an effort. Shes gonna be cool once she opens up i think. BTW, AMy... my pal from last semester.... shes the one tutoring me for 303. I owe her more than i can understand right now. SHes gonna save my ass this time and I mean it. As for Sarah, I am glad i have got her to connect with. Seems she and Jer are getting things worked out and I am happy for them. Sarah has got to be one of the easiest people to love here. She calls herself selfish, but i really do see her helping me and supporting me before herself. My eyes are becomming tired. I wanna sleep but i am afriad if i do then i wont remember what i studied. Can i be loosing my brain? I wanna hug stu right now but hes asleep. I think i need less social activity and more of this studying. I did it for about 6 hrs tonight and i feel better about my right to live here and how my parents pay for everything and my education. Speaking of which, i need a new car! Poor herb is very sick. Matt has been a living hell recently. (I cannot believe i published that comment) Its so true though. I mean common Matt lemme be with stu in peace. Its hard having someone love u, and u love them too... but u know hes horrible for u. Stu is the most gentile and kind hearted individual. Hes really good to me and for me. My mom has noticed how much i needed him and shes very pleased hes with me. Ya know, as much as i wish sometimes i was not me, i have to realize i have the best life. Hey, thats a VERY possitive comment for 3:10 am before a midterm so i am gonna end with that and say goodnight, so.... goodnight!