I left my blood in San Fransico

Ok, as we all know in life some people have fears. I have more than my fair share. So i went on a road trip to see birthright people who I went to Israel with and Ian, Matt's best friend. So we're chillin in Berkeley with Ian for the majority of the day and later head to Oakland where Matt and I reunite with Arnon for hot dogs and hot coco (dairy before milk)... Anyways we crash at his pad and the next day try and see Matt from USF. So heres Matt and I on the bay bridge for three hours. I gotta take care of some stuff and this guy is trying to jump off the bridge. So of course I am yelling "jump jump!" while matts yelling at me that I should be more compasionate to a man whos obviously distraught. (I think hes selfish for imposing on so many lives, but i do feel deeply sorry for the guy) Anyways then We FINALLY meet up with USF Matt who buys Matt and I lunch and then proceeds to have a pledge wash my car. Eugine was an awesome sport about it. (i have pictures of anyone wants them) THen Matt and I drove cross town to Shanie's appartment and met up with Paul, Dave, and Molly. Very exciting when we all met more people at the cheesecake factory and hung out that night. So heres where my vacation turns... First off we watched 8 crazy nights. That makes me think of my mommy cause Whitey has her voice. Makes me sad and I cry. Yes, i cried at Dave's appartment. Then we get back to Shanie's place and I end up at the hospital. This is where the "life thought" takes place. When you're in the hospital at 3a.m. and you are the only sober person being treated. We totally take for granteed the fact that people are willing to study years and years to cure and save us. Then they treat the staff poorly and cannot comprehend anything going on. It saddened me. So as I am on my best behavior and being helped... the RN says "Rachel, we are not sure whats wrong... we need to draw some blood" Mind you... the reason I was there was because I was bleeding made me worried. So my response goes something like this "I am not a damn pin cushion!" I ended up allowing him to do it. I didnt cry, didnt pass out, and didnt give him any problems. I just allowed him to help me. So I maynot be over my biggest fear, but now i can see it maturely. Its to HELP me, not torment me (I was confused about that before apparently) Well I am on antibiotics now and doing better. Matt was absolutly wonderful to me and everyone has been watching over me well. Tonight my family gets together for Pesach and I am excited. Ok so i cannot drink the first year I am legal to, but its ok. I'll be surrounded by loved ones. So, I left my blood in san fransico (Lindsay says its ok cause it actually pumps through my heart) and I have learned that although that man jumping off the bridge has far more troubles than I do, we had something in common that day... we both needed a lil help from a medical professional. The difference is he's probably still with the cops and I am back in OC in my lovely little appartment flushing my body out with fluids. :) Happy Passover!

A tribute to my dad:


I just got home from Greg's house. Hes like a big brother to me. We ended up talking about family and what we want when we're older. Then he proceeded to ask me what I want in a person. I realized I want someone like my father and thats where my thoughts have led me astray.
I have to thank my dad. There is no man in the world who has been such a loving and supportive man. I am so glad i got him. Hes never missed a bday, hes always taken days off work when i was sick, took me places, made me eat with him every sunday morning, taught me love for the ocean, always showered me with love, took me to the zoo, colored with me, let me paint his face with makeup, made me attend temple, always was faithful to my mom and I, went sledding with me, bought my girlscout cookies, ate my snickers when i went trick or treating, went to the horse races with me, always made me do well in school, promised to beat up boys who hurt me, always made me hug him and kiss him before i left the house, helped me move into my first place, traded baseball cards with me, bought my my first mit, gave me my first car, made up games with me, changed many of my diapers, takes me to the hospital when i break bones, calls me daily at my appartment to sing me silly songs to make me smile.... and to think he even said he loved me every day when i was a teen who dispised adults... this man is my living hero!
I guess the past few days I have been so affraid of how horribly unethical politics have been and how depressing it seems to raise kids in this enviornment, but my dad has done such a good job (Dont think my mom didnt.... she did half the work!) but i am so impressed and please to have him as my male figure. So when I was talking to Greg about a man I want for my kids... he has to be at least half the man my dad is.
Dad, thanks for being the man every kid wishes to have as their pops. You are by far the most outstanding man I have ever met. I love you very much.

I am reading (for the millionth time) The diary of anne frank for class. It's funny how when you're 12 and read it, then when I was 16, and now at 21... just sitting in my appartment, alone and quiet. Here I am reading, thumbing through the pages of a life stoped short, when I come across my last name mentioned in her journal. I had family around where Anne was and although it may not be my family at all, my eyes could not be removed from that word on the page. Yes, I lost a lot of family in WWII. Many died in concentration camps and were shot by the SS. I tried to get past that one word, but it was like all other words had dropped off the page as I was reading the fate of my family in some 13 year olds journal. I finally got a glass of water and was able to continue, but how many times did I have to read the book before I was going to notice my family name mentioned in a book full of death and discomfort. I guess I am more aware of the world at 21 than I ever was at 12 and 16.

Today Israel is being bombed by Syria and Lebanon... I made calls to my family in Israel and wrote a sincere email to those who are in the IDF. I urge anyone who reads this to do research for themselves. I read the Wallstreet Journal and their commentary disgusted me. It was bias and completely incompetent. Either way, this maybe another battle in the eyes of Americans, but for Israelis this is what they do daily. I am slowly learning that I cannot trust people to inform themselves and that I must educate myself to become a better supporter of my father's native country. I implore you to do the same. Not because you are Jewish or Israeli... You maybe completely opposite, but because you care about world affairs and politics. You MUST realize that civilians are being killed. Yesterday a young Israeli girl was murdered by an axe splitting her skull... yes, an extreamly sad story! Please, protect yourself from ignorence, it maybe the only way to support countries other than our own.

Something to think about…

Today, March 21, 2004, I am sitting at my desk at Cal State Fullerton realizing as an American I am not patriotic. I am questioning why after last nights experience, when I met a man who served in the army, I am not proud to be a citizen he so graciously protects? I found my answer quickly. He is protecting me, but my governing body is not. I am now becoming at risk of loosing all my personal freedoms. You must be questioning what exactly makes me feel this way. Let me share with you…
The government has been at war in the Middle East for well over a year now. Terrorism has not disappeared and many men and women my age have fallen. On the home front, we as a society are not dealing with that loss. We have an election to tend to and some amendments of the constitution to abridge. The issue that concerns me the most is what I would like to identify as the “anti-gay clause”. How absurd can this country be? While we are dealing with hatred from other countries we are now also inflicting a dislike for our own. When our founding fathers created the constitution and our country they did not say that gays were not people too. If we put as much emphasis on the war as we do on denying our own people’s rights, the war would be over and Bin Laden would have been found. Such wasted energy disgusts me.
What concerns me the most are the people who feel since they are not gay that this does not apply to them. This should be a wake up call! This is how the Holocaust started and how we imprisoned Japanese during WWII. There major events in history occurred because the mass population did not feel directly effected, so they felt no need to intervene! What makes separating their freedoms from heterosexual’s any different than making a black person use a different water fountain because of the color of their skin?
I am not gay, but I am concerned for the homosexual population in the United States. Just like many other Americans, we are all different in some way or another. This should be celebrated! What people are missing is that once you have taken rights from one type of group it enables the government to do it again. Soon Catholics will not be able to practice because they are infringing upon the president’s beliefs. Maybe blacks will have to move to the back of the bus again. Someday women may loose the right to vote because we are fewer in numbers than men. Immigrants will not be allowed to drive and have to pay higher taxes. What right does the government have to impose these inhuman laws upon people?
The American public is missing the mark on what this country was founded on; equal rights and justice for all. Instead of creating more hate upon minorities, we as a large community need to ask ourselves what rights we feel we are willing to give up. Laws that take away from certain minorities only fuel the public for hate crimes and social isolation. The line will not stop with gays, it will continue until the government feels it has gained “moral” control over all of its occupants.

Phone call-

Sometimes its the sound of the furry persian man who makes you giggle for over an hr when you should have been studying. Also, its he who makes avoiding scarey guys easy... have him call and say he's your dad!

Ali... you're the shit! I missed ya budy! Have fun with the brain in lab tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cammel dreams.
Rach

Free time!!!! This my friends is a Halmark Moment! I am done with my homework and have a half hr before my class! Whoa, this is almost statistically impossible. It makes me wonder what homework I have over looked, but who cares! I am sure its only worth a ton and I forgot it. :) Tomorrow is voting day. YOU MUST VOTE!!!!! its your civic duity, u cannot bitch about the president if you do not vote for him. Although, if ur vote is going to Bush, please stay home and do NOT leave. Bleh on Bush. Goodness I am a republican and I dont like him. I wish I could but he's ...well I wont get into it. I am politically charged. ALthough, if you disagree with me I am ok with it. We are all intitled :) I also cleaned my room. Dude in kindergarden i would have two gold stars. One for my homework and one for my room. How cute huh? As for everything else, I am applying for an internship and we'll see how that works tomorrow. As for now... I am gonna bask in my nothingness!
Rach

I went to the snow with Chris from down the hall yesterday. He went Skiing and I played snow bunny. I fell asleep on my lawn chair in the midst of all these children throwing snow balls... this proves I can sleep through anything. I had a good time though. Me, all warm on a lawn chair, in about 4 layers of clothing, my beat up skater shoes, and a scarf I aquired from Nimrod in Israel. Its probably the most beautiful and well earned nap I have ever had. Ahh the comforts of 32 degree and below weather. Once chris and I came down the mtn. I almost ran out of gas, but luckly we hit a station and we didnt have to push my car (its not like i drive a bug). After we bought limes and lettuce and BBQed at my place. Had a Corona and headed over to what I like to call "Mike's Club House". I show up and find Mike, Mark, Jason, Dave, Jen, Joey, Steve, and Stephenie chillin' with like 25 beers at their feet. Chris decides to partake and I chilled with my buddies. Later Edmund, Mark, and Jeremey show up as well. What Studs...! To make a non exsistant good story short... We all had a rockin time when Joey got naked and danced in the kitchen. On the bad side Chris lost his phone. If you find it boys ...CALL ME! SO here I am atempting to do my homework before the school week starts and I am letting you all know its comming along just fine ;) Wish me luck!
Rach

Avoiding another study night .... I think i have Senioridous. Thats a serious disese in college. I am cheering up a whole lot. Things seem to be comming into place just right. I am realizing Starbucks is like chicken soup for the sleeping soul. I cannot wait to house sit this weekend for my parents. Its going to be nice to sleep in my old bed again. I should go home more often but I feel like I dont have enough time in my day for three healthy meals, how am I going to relax so far from school? I wanna get more tickets to a ducks game. Lindsay, we need to go again! Whooohoooo hockey! I also need to walk more often. I used to do it religiously. WHoa, this is all over the place. Well off to study, cause i need to.
Rach

I just think its funny how some people cannot run their own lives, so when they see you mess up... they run yours. Kinda puts a damper on the growth process.... either way no ones mind is changed with threats. I figure hey, I am 21... I am allowed to be human. Yeh human! So I am gonna go back to studying :)
Rach

Well We have all missed quiet a bit... I went to Israel for a month. The best time of my life. I did more growing there than I have anywhere else in the world. I grew emotionally, spiritually, and ate a lil too much falfel. Then I got home and things got weird. Maybe because I went through culture shock or something of the sort... I dunno. But, the worst happened. I broke up with Stu. Yes, Mr. perfect. I dont know what came over me. I didnt want it to happen. I know I didnt think it would be perminent. We loved one another. It wasnt supposed to be that way at all......... but it did. So now I am sitting here in my room continplaiting whats important. I know he is, but I cannot have that. So I am finding that whats important is to be mature about things. Really know whos good for you. Lindsay is that person for me. I know that sounds like some massive lesbian action, but really... its a best friend. Its someone to take you out for ice cream when you need it or to hug you when you cry. Shes the person who makes me shower and do something with myself (normally she begs me to slow down) because this blob once known as Rachel isnt cute anymore. Its nice to know that when I am not near my family that she, Nadia, and Chris can be mine. I had this talk with chris about what its like to be "homeless" (its dorm lingo for not being close to mom and dad) and I learned something. We are one insestual family on this third floor. This is my home along with 23 other people and I actually enjoy every single person for their own reasons. I took chris home with me last weekend to do laundry and kinda hang out. It definitly made me realize how close he and I have gotten. If he ever reads this, thanks chris. So to the three of you kids... lindsay, chris, and nadia... you're the shit. To Mr. Unforgetable... well you still have a special place in my heart